I am back from my weekend in Reading. That was interesting to say the least. But I should start from since I last wrote.
So I went to the meeting with the sales executive and Matthew.
Matthew and I were talking about money “I just had to spend a fortune on flights to Thailand for Christmas.” he said.
“That’s a bit of an odd place for Christmas? You don’t think of it being very Christmassy do you?” I remarked.
“Yeah, I’m only going out there just because I fancied it.”
There was a pause during which we said nothing.
“Actually,” he began again, “That’s not true… I’m going out there to see my girlfriend, she’s currently out there teaching English.”
I knew I never had a chance with Matthew whether he was single or not, but his words struck me.
Everyone has been commenting on how much he makes it seem he likes me, and yet through an entire year this is the first he’s ever mentioned a girlfriend.
In fact, rubbish like this has been going on all week. On Wednesday I got a text from Eddie asking how I was and we spoke for a little while, he seemed pretty eager to talk to me, quick to reply for once. And then he asked when people were back from university for Christmas. I don’t understand why he can’t make an effort to text his friends and find out himself, but I told him anyway.
He then invited me to his house party in a couple of weeks and said he would text Jack asking if he could come. I didn’t think anything of it and we’re back to not talking again. We’re getting a bit like how I used to be with Clyde, where we’d talk intensely for a couple of days and then not talk for months. I’m not sure what he wants, when we ended things and he said he doesn’t want to lose me out of his life, it angers me. I don’t even know if I consider him a friend. I know that sounds harsh but it’s true.
And so I went to Reading. One of the first things Jack said to me was “so I hear I might be seeing you the weekend I get home.”
“Eddie’s party?” I asked.
“yeah, that’s going to be awkward isn’t it.” he said.
I told him I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go.
I actually had a really lovely weekend with Jack. He told me how much he respected me and still liked me and as I fell asleep he was telling me about how much he wants to be with me, properly, in a relationship.
This morning he asked me if I remembered that and what I thought about it.
I told him I think we should wait until he’s back for Christmas to see how things work over a period time. And then we started talking about Eddie and about everything that happened in the summer that we’re trying to put behind us.
I need some sleep. I don’t want to think about this. Why would Eddie even want to stay in touch with me? And yet I’m not over him and it’s stupid. Do you think you can be connected to someone and no matter how far away they go you will always be drawn to them? I don’t know, I don’t know.